October 05, 2003

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Asi que en realidad todos estais fingiendo como putas cuando me obligais a salir de noche eh? Asi que no soy el único al que bailar durante seis horas canciones que odias mientras rezas porque esta sea la noche en la que Claudia Schiffer venga bailando desnuda hacia ti y te la chupe le parece una tortura comparado con el placer de estar en la cama durmiendo!!!

Falsos!! Insinceros!!!
Para ver el texto de yonkis pincha abajo

Salir de Fiesta

Hay una pregunta que todos los padres se han hecho alguna vez:
"¿Qué hacen nuestros hijos cuando salen de marcha?"

Y no me extraña, porque cuando los hijos salen por la puerta les dicen:
¿A dónde vas, hijo? Y el hijo:

-Pues... Por ahí.

-¿Y con quién?

-Pues... con una gente.

-¿Y qué vais a hacer?

-Pues... dar una vuelta.

¿Y saben por qué los hijos son tan inconcretos? Pues por una gran verdad que todos los jóvenes saben, pero ninguno se atreve a reconocer. Y como yo esto de la juventud lo estoy dejando, me da igual y lo digo: el 99% de las veces que sales de marcha es un coñazo.

¿Pero por qué seguimos saliendo? Pues porque siempre pensamos:
"¿Si no salgo... y luego pasa algo emocionante...? Y sobre todo, ¿y si ligo?".
Sí, porque no falla: basta que un día no salgas, para que te digan tus amigos:

-¡Tío! ¡Ayer fue la leche...! Acabamos con unas finlandesas bailando en un tren de lavado. Y tú pensando: "Joder, y yo como un imbécil en casa viendo el programa del Moreno... que me lo podría haber grabado". Así que, claro, el sábado siguiente, aunque pienses que va a ser un rollo, sales. Y esto es lo que realmente ocurre en casi todas las noches de marcha:


Diez de la noche.
Quedas con toda la peña paracenar. Y siempre elige restaurante un tío al que yo llamo El Scotex. Sí, porque es uno que se ha aprendido el truco de cenar en restaurantes caros y pagar a escote, es un chollo... y aprovecha para pedir lo más caro Lo malo es que, para evitar que te time, te picas: ¿qué pide bistec? Tú, solomillo. ¿Qué pide gambas? Tú, centollo. Y cuando llega el postre estás tan lleno, que te tomarías un cafelito, y ya está, pero El Scotex dice:

-Para mí una tarta de chocolate con salsa de frambuesa y láminas de menta. Y tú piensas: "Joder, me va a salir el cafelito a 1.500 pelas".
-¡Pues a mí una mouse... de jamón ibérico... y láminas de menta! Al final el cafelito te sale por 6.000. ¡Que se joda!


Doce de la noche.
Acaba la cena. Y siempre me surge la misma pregunta: ¿por qué no se decide el sitio adonde ir a tomar la copa durante la cena? Pues no, hay que decidirlo en la calle, muerto de frío:
-¿Y si vamos a Pingo's?
-Uy, no, Pingo's no, que estará hasta arriba.

-Bueno, ¿y si vamos a Funchi's?
-No, Funchi's no, que la música es muy mala...

¿Y al final cómo se resuelve esto? Pues como siempre, con indefinición.
De repente alguien tiene una idea brillante:
- Oye, vamos al centro y allí vemos...

Y esta frase es mágica: convence a todo el mundo.

Una de la mañana.
Llegas al centro y hay que encontrar aparcamiento. Y vale cualquier sitio con tal de que quepa el coche: en un vado, encima de la acera, dentro de un contenedor... Y por primera vez en toda la noche, sientes que estás de marcha. Sí, porque tienes que andar cuatro kilómetros desde donde aparcas hasta la discoteca.

Las dos menos cuarto.
Por fin llegas, y ya, tranquilamente, puedes... ponerte a hacer cola. Las colas de las
discotecas son las únicas que haces sin saber si al final te van a dejar entrar. ¿Se imaginan hacer cola en la frutería y que al final no te vendieran los kiwis? "No, a usted no le vendo kiwis, que lleva calcetines blancos, ¡el siguiente!".

Pero si tienes suerte, a las dos y cuarto consigues entrar. Y pasas de la marcha al rafting. Sí, porque en las discotecas, la gente se organiza en riachuelos. Tú te colocas en uno, pensando que va a la barra y de pronto te ves en la puerta del baño: "¡mierda!" Ves que todos tus amigos han cogido el que va a la barra, así que intentas avanzar contra corriente, pero no puedes... y les gritas:
-"¡Voy al baño pero no os movááááis de ahíííí! "

Pero no cuentas con quelas discotecas tienen una capacidad de movimiento propia, como las mareas. Y cuando por fin llegas a la barra, tus amigos han sido trasladados a veinte metros. Y en ese momento empiezas a acordarte de lo bien que se está en tu camita... pero vuelves a caer en la trampa: no me voy, que deben de estar a punto de aparecer las finlandesas con una ficha para el tren de lavado. Así que continúas la expedición, y después de media hora consigues llegar hasta ellos, con la copa en lo alto, como si fuera un trofeo, y te dicen:
- "Bébete eso rápido, que nos vamos a otro sitio"
- "¡¿A otro sitio?!"

- "Sí, ¿a dónde te apetece a ti?"
- "A mí, con lo que me ha costado conseguir la copa, ¡a la Cibeles a celebrarlo!" Pero salta uno:

- "Vamos a Cunclis: cierra a las 10 de la mañana."

Así que después de estar toda la noche por ahí, sudando, bebiendo y fumando, acabas en un sitio lleno de gente sudada, bebida y fumada. Sí, porque no es muy difícil saber qué tipo de gente vamos a un sitio que cierra a las 10 de la mañana: los que no hemos
pillado en toda la noche y vamos pensando: "Me quedan dos horas para pillar, voy a machete. Me vale lo que sea, si pesa más de 30 kilos y se mueve... Ahora, si es aquí donde pillaron mis colegas a las finlandesas, no me extraña que las llevaran al tren de lavado".

Al final sales de allí a las 10 de la mañana, sin haberte comido nada. Y de pronto ves en la puerta... un puesto de bocatas de jamón. Que no es ibérico, que no es de bellota. Yo creo que ni siquiera es jamón, pero a esa hora te comerías un guarda jurado. En fin, que si no sabían lo que es salir de marcha, yo se lo resumo: dos horas peleándote con El Scotex, media hora discutiendo con tus amigos, hora y media aparcando, 45 minutos caminando, hora y veinte haciendo cola, y media hora vomitando.

Posted by roge at October 5, 2003 08:18 PM
Comments

Pues no es coña, yo he pensado muchas veces que la gente finge, o por lo menos que hace estas cosas simplemente porque lo hace todo el mundo. Yo al menos, pegarme toda la noche en una discoteca con musica penosa y con gente haciendo el lila alrrededor.. me aburre soberanamente.

Posted by: Yer on October 5, 2003 08:33 PM

Totalmente cierto.Suerte en la historia que solo va a dos sitios,no me digais que a veces no os pasa que salir de fiesta es ir vagando de un local a otro.

Posted by: JuaZ on October 8, 2003 07:31 PM

me reido un montón leyendo eso porque más de una vez nos ha pasao a mis amigas y a mi...pero ahora hemos encontrao un trukito ke cada finde es festivallll i es la puta bombaaaaaa!!! asi ke....solo esperas a ke llegue el fin de semana para liarla!!1 algun dia ya os lo contare..xDDD

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